Virtually scintillating

The Austin American-Statesman has come to the rescue of us fireworks-deprived people in thirsty Texas* with an interactive virtual fireworks show. No, really. Check the link. They do suggest that for a really good simulation of the Independence Day show you should first turn off the air conditioning to get the full experience of being outdoors on a July night; then, after watching the virtual fireworks, go sit in your car for 45 minutes to simulate the post-show traffic jam.

I think I'll stay in the AC and re-read the Declaration of Independence. It still reads pretty well.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

You tell 'em, Mr. Jefferson.

I hope that, as a country, we still have the collective spine demonstrated by the 56 gentlemen who signed this document, many of whom paid dearly for having done so.

(*Round Rock and Georgetown are going ahead with their fireworks shows. If Austin goes up in flames because of a straying Round Rocket, we're going to declare them colonies and tax the bejasus out of them.)

Oops

Some time after writing the previous post, it occurred to me - not that it matters - that I'm probably not getting my eyes checked tomorrow. The optometrist's office probably won't even be open tomorrow. Reset alarm clock for Tuesday morning.

Now I'm even more confused; I don't know whether it's tonight or tomorrow night that we're not having the traditional lakeside fireworks show because Texas is so dry that we don't light matches outside this summer. Heck, we even avoid heated argument and inflaming rhetoric. Nobody wants to be the one to send Central Texas up in flames in the middle of the Dryest Summer in Living Memory. It's actually worse than 1951. It's time to recycle my father's old joke from the Seven Year Drought:

Bartender says, "I give up, it's never going to rain again."
First man in the bar says, "I'll bet you twenty-five bucks you're wrong."
They shake on it and first man leaves.
Second man in the bar says, "Are you crazy? There's no way you can win that bet."
Bartender says, "No, you're crazy; I've collected on that bet three times already."

It's never going to rain again.